He's Just Not That Into You
by NotxAfraid
Summary: Tamaki is trying to get over a break up. He's tired of feeling down and so he ventures to the guidance office at Ouran.
1. He's Just Not That Into You

Break ups are hard. Harder than previously thought. Especially when everything seems perfect and then all of a sudden it's…not. Tamaki was starting to realize that.

A whole month had gone by and the sight of the breakee—that wonderful, amazing man—still set off alarms and weird pangs and that "Oh, it's _him_," feeling. Kaoru had said it takes a while but Tamaki was seriously getting impatient with himself. He couldn't stand it any longer, this self pity party.

So he went to his guidance counselor.

People say they didn't exist. People say they did nothing but fix schedules and stay in the hermit holes they're all given. Some even say they aren't human: Who can breathe in all that paperwork?

But Tamaki needed some way to stop the pain that followed all those "I wonder if he misses me", "I think he's still interested", "Why do I talk to him if it only hurts later?" thoughts. And guidance counselors were supposed to know all about teenage emotions, whether they were human or not, they went to school for it…right?

And so Tamaki went through the quiet motions of receiving the hall pass and walking down the long hallways and into the room adjacent the main office.

It was dark and smelled of books and printer ink. Tamaki couldn't see anyone to point him in the right direction…there was more than _one_ guidance counselor, wasn't there? He nervously glanced around and moved further into the room. And by "moved" the author of course means that he took three steps and toppled over a huge stack of papers. "AAAAAAHHHH!" was his completely manly response.

"Well Tamaki, I guess you'll just have to watch your step…won't he, Beelzenef?"

Insert another manly response.

"N-N-Nekozawa-senpai! Wh-what are you doing here?"

"Well, my dear Suoh I am a guidance aid," he stated, seemingly surprised Tamaki hadn't figured it out. Tamaki, of course, _never_ knew where Nekozawa-senpai would choose to manifest himself. "Are you here to see your counselor?"

"Y-y-yes…I um, don't know where to go…"

"Mwahahahahahahaha!" His laugh was quiet and sinister. "Hear that, Beelzenef? Pour Suoh is lost! Perhaps there's been a confusion curse set upon the poor fellow? Perhaps the Black Magic club could help him, hmm?" Beelzenef's eyes gleamed.

"A…c-c-curse?"

"Yes, yes, of course, Suoh dear. I can remove it in a second. There won't be pain…at least not a lot," Nekozawa said with a mischievous grin.

"Can I j-just go to see my c-c-counselor, please?"

"Well, I guess we could help with this first, couldn't we, Beelzenef? Your last name is Suoh, putting you with the S-Z counselor, Madame Douce, whose office you will find down that hallway, second door on the left."

"Madame Douce? That's French!" Tamaki brightened a bit as he said this. "It means Mrs. Sweet, or if you break it down, 'My sweet lady'!" This revelation took Tamaki all the way to her office, Nekozawa and Beelzenef not far behind.

"Really? I never knew that," Nekozawa said with real wonder.

"_Oui!_" Tamaki grinned as he burst into the counselor's office. The door closed behind him and he heard Nekozawa laugh. Sans the creepiness. For once.

Madame Douce was a skinny woman with old clothes and bifocals as big as dinner plates, surrounded by books that lined the walls, floor to ceiling and more hazardous piles of paper work than Tamaki had ever seen. Nevertheless, she greeted him with a smile that could light up Tokyo."Hello, Tamaki. Have a seat." She indicated a little stool between to perilous paper piles. Tamaki managed to squeeze in between them without any awful outcomes. Once he was situated, Madame Douce smiled fondly and asked, "So what brings you here, dear?"

He decided to just throw it out there. Counselors never came out of their caves, so it wasn't like she would hunt him down if she didn't like his tastes.

"Boys," he blurted. "Boys are dumb. They just cause problems." And he vaguely told her about his being dumped. She listened patiently, but it wasn't enough. He couldn't quite find the words to tell his tale. He'd only moved to Japan that summer; it was winter now. He still wasn't comfortable with the language.

"Madame," he ventured. "You are French, _oui?"_

She smiled and said, "Just about as French as they come." This seemed to be Tamaki's signal to take an extremely deep breath.

"Les garçons sont très stupides! Ils font moi fou et je ne sais pas quoi faire ! Je me sens pathétique et je suis fatigué d'elle! Je ne peux pas prendre la confusion ou la douleur. Je veux être fini avec lui!"

And he just kept going, ranting in such rapid and sudden French that it felt as if a floodgate had opened inside him. His tongue wrapped around the old language without hesitation and he got every bit of his anger and sadness and confusion out on the table between the counselor and himself.

When he was finished, Madame Douce simply looked at him and said, "Je sais exactement ce qu'il vous faut." And she maneuvered her skinny little body between the towers to a book shelf against the back wall. The shelf beside it, Tamaki could see, had a Post-It with "The Goodies" written in English stuck to it. It had what he knew to be smutty romance novels. He couldn't see what his shelf was labeled. He was so busy trying to see he didn't notice her weave her way back over. She stood in front of him holding a thin book with a pink cover. _He's Just Not That Into You._ "You can read English, right? I suppose I could find a French version at a book store downtown…"

"No, no, Madame. That's fine. Umm…thank you very much."

"You're welcome. You'll feel better after you read it. I promise." And she gave him that friendly, motherly smile once again.

The book made him laugh. The book made him shake his head and say, "Oh, honey, you're beauty is wasted on such a filthy urchin." He even shed a few tears for the sad Nikki who simply couldn't see what she was getting herself into. And then he found the chapter for him: "He's just not that into you if he's breaking up with you."

And Tamaki learned that, oh well, this boy had dumped him. It was not Tamaki's loss, but that asshole's. It's time to find a boy that won't waste his time because goddammit, he is WORTH IT!

Tamaki took this new knowledge and decided to take the book back the next day. Not because he was finished but because he just loved the way Nekozawa-senpai got him all tongue tied.

* * *

A/N: The first thing Tamaki says is, "Boy are very stupid! They make me crazy and I don't know what to do! I feel pathetic and I hate it! I can't take the confusion or pain. I want to be finished with him!"

And Madame Douce says, "I know exactly what you need."

So you should totally tell me what you thought. I really wanna know because I basically just spiced up what happened to me. :) This is also my longest story. I want to know if it was dragging or boring or completely a waste of time.

Merci!  
~Jen


	2. If He's a Selfish Jerk

"Why are you giving me this?" Kaoru held the book in his hands as if it were from another planet. He had no clue why he had it.

"I'm giving it to you because you need it. I'm not as dumb as you all think I am. I see what's going on."

"What are you talking about, Tono?" He seemed uninterested in the book at this point.

"You aren't happy and I'm certain it's got to do with a certain boy in your life," Tamaki said with pompous confidence. _He's playing hero again, _Kaoru mentally sighed.

"I'm fine, Tono," he said exhaustedly.

"But you don't deny it and you aren't torturing me by now." Tamaki brightened and grinned triumphantly. He began walking out of the music room, turning now and then to continue speaking. "I'm right and you know it. Take that book, read it, and learn from it. Those are my orders and you shall follow them." And he closed the door to prove his point.

It took Kaoru almost all the way through the book to find what Tono had wanted him to find.

"He's just not that into you if he's a selfish jerk, a bully, or a really big freak."

Sigh. So Boss had figured it out after all. Kaoru groaned and suddenly didn't want to read any further. He was angry at himself for being so transparent. But he'd been given an order and could never disobey the king.

So he read on.

Nina was the girl Tamaki had wanted him to see. How did he know this? Well, there was the relevancy of her story and also the flamboyant pen marks splattered over the page, pointing to her section with stars and shocked faces drawn everywhere.

He got the memo. He read it and was absolutely floored by the fact that he reacted the _exact same way_. Which, surprisingly, made him feel better. He didn't feel pathetic any longer; apparently it was a normal response. Make excuses and think, "It's just an insecurity…"

But once Kaoru read what the author's response was, he was filled with rage. He _was_ better than this! He shouldn't waste anymore of his precious human life on this downer of a boyfriend! And he threw the book on couch and left the music room.

"No, don't give me that look." Anger swept through Kaoru. "You know exactly what I'm talking about and I can't believe it took me so long to wake up and smell the coffee! You're nothing but a scumbag who can't live without making others feel worse to better himself! We're through!" he finished to absolute silence and a heaving chest. He could no longer feel the eyes of those who were frozen in the hallway, only the eyes of the boy in front of him. Those eyes that had mercilessly teased the teaser to such an extent even Hikaru couldn't take the jokes made about his brother. Those eyes were shocked now, and no anger dared to emerge, only present in the angry red mark spreading across the tyrant's face.

And so Kaoru walked away, strutted all the way down the hall and back to the third music room where he found Hikaru reading the book. "So you finally laid waste to that douche bag?"

Kaoru sighed, suddenly exhausted and flopped down on the couch next to his brother and eventually laid his head on Hikaru's shoulder. He thought a while before answering, "I did. It hurts a bit, but it's also liberating. _I _was the one controlling the situation for once. I never realized it was always the other way around." Hikaru nodded and started to stroke Kaoru's hair. In response, the younger twin sighed in contentment and burrowed himself down into Hikaru's lap instead.

"Oh, you are _so_ spoiled," Hikaru complained playfully. His hand felt soft and smooth against Kaoru's head and Kaoru felt something stir inside of him. He realized with an internal start that it was the feeling of being loved, one he had recently forgotten. He also realized something else and opened his eyes to look at the identical set above him.

These eyes were so very different from those he had seen moments before: Filled with love and adoration, a desire to protect and not to harm.

And so, gazing all the while into these familiar, newly discovered eyes, he took Hikaru's hand in his and brought it to his lips.


End file.
